Recently in Teen Advice Category

This guest post is contributed by Kitty Holman, who writes on the topics for nursing colleges.  She welcomes your comments at her email: kitty.holman20@gmail.com.

 Recent research into what teens want the most turned up some fascinating results. According to an article published in USA Today, it turns out that the thing young adults crave the most is not alcohol, a new car, or sex - instead, teens desire experiences that boost self-esteem like receiving a compliment or a good grade.

Having healthy self-esteem allows teenagers to pursue their studies, hobbies, and career aspirations with confidence. It's no surprise that strong self-esteem is negatively correlated to depression and anxiety, the Counseling and Mental Health Center of the University of Texas states. Luckily, parents can easily protect their teens against the negative effects of low self-esteem.  It's as basic as showing respect, demonstrating your love and trust, and regularly praising them.

The type of praise given is important as well. Praise should center around your teen's hard work, according to Carol Dweck, and not around their innate talents or intelligence. Praise for intelligence can drive your teen to play it safe and only accomplish things that make them appear smart whereas praise for hard work encourages the mindset that effort equals success.  

A helpful tactic: Parents can remind teens of their past accomplishments when the teens are feeling low on confidence.  

Though teens may not outright ask for it, (they are more likely to ask for a car or a higher allowance) simple praise can go a long way to make them feel valued and happy.

 

 

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/07/16/hearstmagfamily421690.DTL
Lots of good ideas about how to stay close to your teen, from Good Housekeeping, reprinted this month in the San Francisco Chronicle.

Here are a few responses from teens themselves:
 
"The thing that gets to me is that no one has pimples."

"I do think that stereotypes are reinforced, especially in the girls.  They always have a crush on a super "hot" guy, they wear the most trendy clothes, and they are disrespectful to their parents.  All of these images that kids as young as 5 years old see are influencing their life later.  They want to be like the people in the TV shows and movies, when it's just not possible (i mean, they don't even go to the bathroom).  The media has too big a hold on the children in the world-- it's like brainwashing."

"Not all teens are always mad, don't listen to their parents, aren't interested in anything etc.
Most of us, like everyone else, have their off days were they're mad..."

What are you views about specific TV shows and movies and their portrayal of teens? Share the stereotypical images you've seen of teens in the media.

Reports about a teenage oral-sex epidemic and teen pregnancy on the rise are enough to worry any parent.  But is the news misleading? New York Times Jan 27, 2009)
True: The National Center for Health Statistics reported this month that births to 15-19 year olds has risen for the first time in more than a decade.
But also true: The vast majority of teens are not engaging is risky sexual behavior. A 2002 report from the Department of Health and Human Services found that 30% of 15-17 year old girls had experienced sex, down from 38% in 1995. Among boys, 31% were sexually experienced, down from 43% in 1995.

National statistics on teen sex indicate that teenagers with more parental supervision and who are doing well in school are more likely to delay sex until their late teens or beyond.  In fact, the vast majority of teens are not engaging in risky sexual behavior. Fewer than half of all high school students have had sex (47.8%) according to the National Youth Risk Behavior Survey, down from 54.1% in 1991.  Please send your comments?

A recent study conducted by MTV and The Associated Press interviewed nearly 1,300 young people aged 13 to 24 years old. The results found that the majority of teens find the most happiness in family. What's more, most respondents listed their parents (i.e. you) as their heroes. And (it gets even better) most young people (over three-quarters) said being with their parents brought them even more joy than being with their friends. What's more, half say religion and spirituality are very important. Intrigued by these finding, I asked my virtual teen "Secret Sources" who their heroes are.  The vast majority, sure enough, mentioned a parent. Read some sample responses...

"I look up to my parents for being the people who raised me and have done what I think is a good job."

"My first hero is my mom. I know that sounds cheesy but she is. She is this strong person who has had a LOT of hard things happen to her. And she is still fine with the person she is and she doesn't change for the benefit of anyone. She tells me about it because she believes that hiding your emotions is bad. That's also something I admire her for because it's not always easy to do that."

"I would say my parents (are my heroes). I look to them when I have a problem, and they always have the answer. I don't want to have the same job as them, but when I grow up I do want to be like my parents in the way that they are so wise and loving to their children and friends and know what is right and what is wrong."

"As much as I love my friends, my parents are my heroes and the people I feel most safe and comfortable with. I admire them for always being there for me and for working hard even when I know they don't always enjoy going off to work every single day. They teach me what it means to be responsible."

I aksed my virtual teen group how the financial crisis is affecting them. Here are a few representative responses:

"It scares me that I might not have the same fortunate living that I do in my parent's house and that doing the things I love may not work financially and I'll have to get a job fo the money and not the interest. I also worry that I won't be able to give my children the same or better education that I have and I worry that they will feel scared too. With the financial crisis, my goals will be set back to simply paying the bills."

"I'm scared that I might not get to go to college or get a job. In one of my classes we recently talked about low-wage jobs becoming non-existent because of the bad economy. How can I go up the ladder if I can't get on it in the first place?"

"I worry about my parents losing their jobs."

"I don't want my parents to lose their job and then we'd have to sell our house."

"I hope my parents can afford to send me to a good college."

Do you have a question for our virtual teen group (aka Secret Sources)? Post a question in the post comments section. Talk to your teen about the financial crisis. Ask if she has questions. Strike a balance between fostering confidence and honestly answering questions. See the post How to Talk to Kids About Money in the Money Talk blog archives.

Here are some wise words of advice for parents of teens about how to put less pressure on their already pressured lives.  Read what two teens have to say...

Wonder why your kid looks annoyed when you say the wrong thing? What was it that I said, exactly, that pissed you off?  As one mom told me, "I feel like if I swallow the wrong way, I get eye rolls." We're confused and sometimes feel completely incompetent parenting our teens.  So what better place to get advice (this week on how to stay close) but from teens themselves.  I'm starting a weekly blog entry that gives parents advice from teenagers.  How it works: I pose a question to the group of teens on matters important to us puzzled parents of teens. Their names are kept anonymous. The question I asked this week: What advice do you have for parents of teens about how to stay close with their teenage kid? What do parents sometimes do (in a well-meaning attempt to stay close to their teen) that actually does the opposite (shuts you down, makes you annoyed).