This guest post is contributed by Kitty Holman, who writes on the topics for nursing colleges.  She welcomes your comments at her email: kitty.holman20@gmail.com.

 Recent research into what teens want the most turned up some fascinating results. According to an article published in USA Today, it turns out that the thing young adults crave the most is not alcohol, a new car, or sex - instead, teens desire experiences that boost self-esteem like receiving a compliment or a good grade.

Having healthy self-esteem allows teenagers to pursue their studies, hobbies, and career aspirations with confidence. It's no surprise that strong self-esteem is negatively correlated to depression and anxiety, the Counseling and Mental Health Center of the University of Texas states. Luckily, parents can easily protect their teens against the negative effects of low self-esteem.  It's as basic as showing respect, demonstrating your love and trust, and regularly praising them.

The type of praise given is important as well. Praise should center around your teen's hard work, according to Carol Dweck, and not around their innate talents or intelligence. Praise for intelligence can drive your teen to play it safe and only accomplish things that make them appear smart whereas praise for hard work encourages the mindset that effort equals success.  

A helpful tactic: Parents can remind teens of their past accomplishments when the teens are feeling low on confidence.  

Though teens may not outright ask for it, (they are more likely to ask for a car or a higher allowance) simple praise can go a long way to make them feel valued and happy.

Knowing and Controlling Your Parenting Derailers

As some of my friends and colleagues know, I'm a bit obsessed with an assessment tool I use in my consulting practice called the Hogan assessment.  Shining light on our "shadow side," the Hogan instruments help people become aware of their derailers-- a strength gone awry.  For example, a positive trait like diligence might show up as critical, rigid, or perfectionistic.  Enthusiasm taken to the extreme can turn into volatility, moodiness, and irritability. 

Research on leadership reveals that the most beloved leaders have their fair share of derailers.  What sets them apart is that they're aware of their derailers and work hard to regulate them just like they would a bad habit.

It's hard not to see the connection to parenting.  In fact, in Mom-in-Chief I write about Mom Modes or leadership strengths and how they can run amok or turn into derailers. 

Although most people need more tools to make an accurate self-diagnosis of their derailers, understanding common derailers is a good first step. Try assessing which of the following three derailers best describe you. (There are a total of 11 Hogan derailers. To learn more, visit the Hogan website). Remember-- the goal is not to eliminate derailers. The goal is to recognize them and manage them.

Excitable: Do your kids see you as overly emotional and short on patience? People with an Excitable derailer can be perceived as intense, edgy, volatile, and sometimes explosive. 

Possible cost: Have you noticed that your kids hide bad news from you? Fearing an emotional reaction, your child may avoid talking to you about a problem.

Try: Instead of reacting in the moment, ask yourself what impact an emotional reaction will have.  Take a breather before confronting your child in the heat of the moment.

Diligence:  Do you pride yourself on being conscientious and orderly?  In excess, these characteristics can be perceived as picky, critical, micromanaging, and perfectionistic.

Potential cost:  Kids might fear that they need to be "perfect" to gain your approval.  Feeling too much pressure, they may eventually rebel or experience the myriad ill effects that come from stress.

Try: Recognize that "good enough" may be as valuable as "perfect." Practice being relaxed and positive even when behavior doesn't meet your own high standards.

Reserved: Do you prefer to spend time alone and crave your "personal space?" Do people describe you as independent and naturally introverted? In excess, people high on the Reserved scale may be seen as intimidating, aloof, or insensitive.

Potential cost:  Family members may find you uncommunicative and withdrawn, especially during stressful times.  You may miss cues that your child needs your nurturance and guidance.

Try: Make conscious efforts to discern your children's emotions and show empathy for their feelings.  Balance your need to be alone with close interaction with family members.

1. HB661, a family leave insurance program bill, which creates a family leave insurance program to allow parents to take time off to care for a newborn, newly adopted child, or to allow persons to care for a family member with a serious medical condition, including a wounded service member.  This bill only applies to employers with 50 or more employees, and establishes the benefit at up to 6 weeks of $250 per week.
2. HB662, a paid sick days and safe leave bill, which requires employers of full-time and part-time employees to provide up to five days of sick or safe leave for their employees, and is intended to enable workers to seek medical care, psychological counseling for themselves and family, due to sickness or injury, domestic violence, or preventive medical care.  The bill may exempt small businesses with fewer than 10 employees.
3. HB663, a right to request a flexible schedule law, which creates a process for employees to request flexibility in work schedules, including the number of hours required to work, the times when the employee is required to work, or the location where the employee is required to work.  This process is contingent on meeting specific conditions described in the application and further specifies employer's criteria for granting or denying such requests.  The proposal only applies to employers with more than 15 employees.

Here's to hoping these bills pass!