January 2009 Archives

What Is Your Mom Mode? : Figuring Out Your Own Leadership Style

  You can find the parent leader assessment quiz on the home page.

 

Every mom has her own style. Once you figure out what yours is -- and stop comparing yourself to other mothers - you will be more effective and satisfied as a parent.  Each mother, like each business leader, has her own personal style that showcases her strengths and inspires those around her.  I call these styles Mom Modes, the skills and strategies that build relationships, encourage individuality, and promote success. There are three basic modes. To discover yours, take the quiz by clicking on the parent leader quiz button on my homepage.

 

When your children fight do you ...

• Let them go at it because sibling rivalry is a fertile training ground for learning who they are? (Liberator)
• Break it up because it pains you to hear the mean voices they're using with each other? (Connector)
• Leave the room because you see it as an opportunity to strengthen their conflict resolution skills? (Achiever)

 

Your Mom Mode translates into how you talk to your child, how you foster or suppress initiative, and how you promote independent thinking and inspire success. One mode is not better than another. The key is to stay true to yourself and your mode. Once you become aware of what your preferred style of leadership is, you will be able to leverage your natural strengths and feel more joy and success in what you do.

  We each operate from all three Mom Modes, depending on the situation, but it's helpful to know which one for you is most developed; this is the mode from which you get the most benefit, because it's where you do your best work and achieve your greatest rewards. Knowing your Mom Mode helps you amplify your unique strengths and passions and discard the techniques that aren't working to help your child grow. With a deeper wisdom about your personal leadership style, you will be better equipped to bring out the best in yourself so that you and your kids can thrive.

Here are a few responses from teens themselves:
 
"The thing that gets to me is that no one has pimples."

"I do think that stereotypes are reinforced, especially in the girls.  They always have a crush on a super "hot" guy, they wear the most trendy clothes, and they are disrespectful to their parents.  All of these images that kids as young as 5 years old see are influencing their life later.  They want to be like the people in the TV shows and movies, when it's just not possible (i mean, they don't even go to the bathroom).  The media has too big a hold on the children in the world-- it's like brainwashing."

"Not all teens are always mad, don't listen to their parents, aren't interested in anything etc.
Most of us, like everyone else, have their off days were they're mad..."

What are you views about specific TV shows and movies and their portrayal of teens? Share the stereotypical images you've seen of teens in the media.

Reports about a teenage oral-sex epidemic and teen pregnancy on the rise are enough to worry any parent.  But is the news misleading? New York Times Jan 27, 2009)
True: The National Center for Health Statistics reported this month that births to 15-19 year olds has risen for the first time in more than a decade.
But also true: The vast majority of teens are not engaging is risky sexual behavior. A 2002 report from the Department of Health and Human Services found that 30% of 15-17 year old girls had experienced sex, down from 38% in 1995. Among boys, 31% were sexually experienced, down from 43% in 1995.

National statistics on teen sex indicate that teenagers with more parental supervision and who are doing well in school are more likely to delay sex until their late teens or beyond.  In fact, the vast majority of teens are not engaging in risky sexual behavior. Fewer than half of all high school students have had sex (47.8%) according to the National Youth Risk Behavior Survey, down from 54.1% in 1991.  Please send your comments?

Dear Malia and Sasha,

I know that you've both had a lot of fun these last two years on the campaign trail, going to picnics and parades and state fairs, eating all sorts of junk food your mother and I probably shouldn't have let you have. But I also know that it hasn't always been easy for you and Mom, and that as excited as you both are about that new puppy, it doesn't make up for all the time we've been apart. I know how much I've missed these past two years, and today I want to tell you a little more about why I decided to take our family on this journey.

When I was a young man, I thought life was all about me--about how I'd make my way in the world, become successful, and get the things I want. But then the two of you came into my world with all your curiosity and mischief and those smiles that never fail to fill my heart and light up my day. And suddenly, all my big plans for myself didn't seem so important anymore. I soon found that the greatest joy in my life was the joy I saw in yours. And I realized that my own life wouldn't count for much unless I was able to ensure that you had every opportunity for happiness and fulfillment in yours. In the end, girls, that's why I ran for President: because of what I want for you and for every child in this nation.

I want all our children to go to schools worthy of their potential--schools that challenge them, inspire them, and instill in them a sense of wonder about the world around them. I want them to have the chance to go to college--even if their parents aren't rich. And I want them to get good jobs: jobs that pay well and give them benefits like health care, jobs that let them spend time with their own kids and retire with dignity.

I want us to push the boundaries of discovery so that you'll live to see new technologies and inventions that improve our lives and make our planet cleaner and safer. And I want us to push our own human boundaries to reach beyond the divides of race and region, gender and religion that keep us from seeing the best in each other.

Sometimes we have to send our young men and women into war and other dangerous situations to protect our country--but when we do, I want to make sure that it is only for a very good reason, that we try our best to settle our differences with others peacefully, and that we do everything possible to keep our servicemen and women safe. And I want every child to understand that the blessings these brave Americans fight for are not free--that with the great privilege of being a citizen of this nation comes great responsibility.

That was the lesson your grandmother tried to teach me when I was your age, reading me the opening lines of the Declaration of Independence and telling me about the men and women who marched for equality because they believed those words put to paper two centuries ago should mean something.

She helped me understand that America is great not because it is perfect but because it can always be made better--and that the unfinished work of perfecting our union falls to each of us. It's a charge we pass on to our children, coming closer with each new generation to what we know America should be.

I hope both of you will take up that work, righting the wrongs that you see and working to give others the chances you've had. Not just because you have an obligation to give something back to this country that has given our family so much--although you do have that obligation. But because you have an obligation to yourself. Because it is only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you will realize your true potential.

These are the things I want for you--to grow up in a world with no limits on your dreams and no achievements beyond your reach, and to grow into compassionate, committed women who will help build that world. And I want every child to have the same chances to learn and dream and grow and thrive that you girls have. That's why I've taken our family on this great adventure.

I am so proud of both of you. I love you more than you can ever know. And I am grateful every day for your patience, poise, grace, and humor as we prepare to start our new life together in the White House.


Love, Dad       

A recent study conducted by MTV and The Associated Press interviewed nearly 1,300 young people aged 13 to 24 years old. The results found that the majority of teens find the most happiness in family. What's more, most respondents listed their parents (i.e. you) as their heroes. And (it gets even better) most young people (over three-quarters) said being with their parents brought them even more joy than being with their friends. What's more, half say religion and spirituality are very important. Intrigued by these finding, I asked my virtual teen "Secret Sources" who their heroes are.  The vast majority, sure enough, mentioned a parent. Read some sample responses...

"I look up to my parents for being the people who raised me and have done what I think is a good job."

"My first hero is my mom. I know that sounds cheesy but she is. She is this strong person who has had a LOT of hard things happen to her. And she is still fine with the person she is and she doesn't change for the benefit of anyone. She tells me about it because she believes that hiding your emotions is bad. That's also something I admire her for because it's not always easy to do that."

"I would say my parents (are my heroes). I look to them when I have a problem, and they always have the answer. I don't want to have the same job as them, but when I grow up I do want to be like my parents in the way that they are so wise and loving to their children and friends and know what is right and what is wrong."

"As much as I love my friends, my parents are my heroes and the people I feel most safe and comfortable with. I admire them for always being there for me and for working hard even when I know they don't always enjoy going off to work every single day. They teach me what it means to be responsible."

Have you heard about the Citizen's Briefing Book? It's an online forum where you can share your ideas, and rate or offer comments on the ideas of others.

The best-rated ones will rise to the top, and after the Inauguration, change.gov will print them out and gather them into a binder like the ones the President receives every day from experts and advisors. If you participate, your idea could be included in the Citizen's Briefing Book to be delivered to President Obama.

Visit the Citizen's Briefing Book now and share your ideas: http://citizensbriefingbook.change.gov/

Momsrising.org Update:
Last Friday the U.S. House passed fair pay legislation. This is in no small part due to your efforts, including over 100,000 contacts to Congress by MomsRising members in the past months supporting this legislation.  Speaker Nancy Pelosi even wrote a blog on our homepage about why it was important to have fair pay be among the first bills to pass through the new Congress.1 You've got some power!

Next stop, the U.S. Senate!

But passing fair pay out of the U.S. Senate is going to take all of our political muscle.  Why? This very same bill failed in the U.S. Senate by just 3 votes last time it came up.  3!  Some Senators are still saying they don't support this bill--so they need to hear from all of us that the time to pass the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act 2 is now!  Help get those few needed votes!

*Send a note now to your U.S. Senators to ask them to vote "Yes!" on fair pay (and ask all friends to send a letter in too!):  

http://www.momsrisingaction.org/o/1768/t/1546/campaign.jsp?campaign_KEY=26412

If we can get this bill out of the Senate, then it will be a huge victory for women and mothers, and it will be among the first pieces of legislation that President Obama signs into law!

So, please send a quick letter today, and also... spread the word to friends so they can send a letter too.   

Sunday's New York Times Business section ran an article, A Sisterhood Of Workplace Infighting by Peggy Klaus. Klaus, a leadership consultant, writes about women mistreating women in the workplace--"limiting access to important meetings, withholding information, assignments, promotions; or blocking the way to mentors and higher ups."  I'll admit, I was infuriated as I read this. Is this another example sensationalizing the portrayal of women as overemotional, backstabbing and bitchy? Sally Helgeson, author of The Female Advantage, conducted research demonstrating that women managers, in contrast to men, spend more time helping people and their authority comes from connection to people rather than distance from those below.  Dee Dee Myers, in her book Why Women Should Rule the World, writes about how women give away credit to their detriment because they place such a high value on teamwork and building relationships.  Carol Evans, CEO of Working Mother media has built a thriving conference business that fosters women networking and mentoring other women. What is your workplace experience? Have you been a victim of female bullying? Please submit your comments.